debbistation of state

Some days after the realizations and shock of the reality which circumvents ones existence truly alters and rearranges one’s acknowledgement of being alive as so far as perception can take us, that is.
The vividly apprehensive and ambivalent astonishment of the state one often arrives at that encompasses the bombshell of oblivion, denial, and total avoidance of reality places one in a deep sleep state; the current shock of finally accepting –experiencing one’s reality makes one want chill the sh8t brains out because that creates a harsh episode to fathom –the world we live in… with structures, limitations built on social constructs and ideologies that shape a status quo. 
Means alienation. Submission. Defeat, surrender from the world. Because those structures made from social constructs utterly strip the wonders in life, the allegro and brilliance of living from our actual conditions.
Really living is about looking through the challenges our cultures, and societies construct for us sociologically —resisting so that we can keep a grasp on our humanity.

Deborah Godinez 2012 ©

I like it when I have written something that I think is shit when I first see it and begin to internalize it and then months or years later I can go back to it and remember exactly what it is that I was feeling when I wrote the words in my journal and then love the way in which my mind works… 

writing about experiences is so important because that is one way of determining who you are—through, thorough reflections that catch every bias and assumption.  Assumptions have the ability to remove you from your own humanity if given the power. 

_____________________________________________________author D

Drawing/ coloring helps me, it helps me to channel out bad energy.  I did this the whole day, thus work this week will be easier, I can give the kids ideas and connection with which the rationale of their own work may connect to feelings and emotions that we encounter in our own humanity.  Writing, I must do this more often and stop having it only be __todo lists (no programmer, just using the text) and pep talks to myself, those help me, its what I have to do to be and do.  And last but not least communication with the outside world, something I seem to struggle with but trying to get better, the internet helps but it does not fulfill what I have in mind, I have to try and start reaching out to more people, even though, I am not too good with people (a song I wrote when I was seventeen) It still applies in some aspects of my realities.  But one more thing and this I say to you internet and to myself (in hopes of having a better and more remarkable week than last, for, although, there were remarkable things about last week) I did find myself in a rather slump when I realized I took somethings far toooooo PERSONAL! This week, remember, ME, no matter what DO NOT TAKE THINGS PERSONAL, PARTICULARLY THOSE THINGS THAT ARE BEYOND MY CONTROL! HEEERAHH!!! ADELANTE! Move along to the next post. 

goodbye; Karen Tei Yamashita, until IHOTEL comes in the mail, that is, Hello, Bell Hooks, Hello applications, job forms; warm friendly professors; going out for coffee, fellows and fellowships, supportive impoverished community; broken institutions, unlimited skylines, start-up grants and money for writing projects, traveling, the fourth grade, and drawing of course. Numberlines, circumferences and not giving up the GRIT!!!

Maybe. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D97OxHZzBeQ

I am a walking parable, the story of my life: The post modern, Xicana prometheus :(. womp, womp, womp!

Incessant, melodramatic frivolous nature… Perhaps, but it makes perfect sense to me! does!